Sunday, December 16, 2012

Hanging in for the holidays

I'm back at kenpo. I'm coaching track... Sort of... I actually "helping" which gives me some freedom to go to appointments and stuff, but then I have guilt about not being there to help the throwers. It's like mommy guilt with more kids! Lol

I have so pinterest inspirational things but can't figure out how to post them using the iPad, so my blog is still photo-free :(

I was all set to start tracking and losing weight again. Yes, even before the holidays, BUT my kenpo school is starting a 90day weight loss challenge on January 5th and as anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows... The first 10 is by far the easiest to shed!! So I will be in a holding pattern until then.

I'm still working out and watching what I eat, but I'm not changing anything... Yet.

I actually can't wait to start running and dropping some pounds, but there's a $500 grand prize! I can't wait to see who my challengers are... Hahaha :)

Well, I've been trying to keep my head a hole and avoid the tragedy that occurred in Newtown, CT Friday, but I just want to state that my thoughts and prayers are with all those effected.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Wow... I suck at this :(

I was SOOOO happy to be back at Kenpo... Until tonight :(

I'm kind of a perfectionist. I make an effort to try to get things correct. I practice the forms and techniques and hopefully they look the way they're supposed to... sometimes not so much. BUT tonight was awful!!!

I've missed a LOT of time. They have "belt week" every 5 wks. This means that testing takes place every 5wks on the techniques and forms that you learned over those 5wks AND everything that you've ever learned prior to the testing period.

No biggy, right?

Well, I've missed 14 wks!! Essentially, 3 entire testing cycles. I've missed a LOT of stuff and it became all too apparent tonight. I really just wanted to walk back outside and go home. I hate feeling lost :(

AND I found that my foot doesn't hurt if I don't "snap" or twist it. Well, that rules out most kicks. I got it taped for while I coached last week and it felt great. Now, I just need to get a brace. Even if it's for a little while I'll be good.

I so frustrated right now and I'm hoping that I can get the hang of the skills. I keep telling my athletes that they can't be negative. I made them do pushups every time they said something negative at practice on saturday. I will have to start using that same attitude about myself.

I WILL get this done. I WILL figure out the forms. I WILL improve and get my stripe next testing cycle. I WILL be able to do the kicks and the jumps and the hops AND even be able to return to MMA soon.

I'm struggling, but I'm improving and I need to remind myself that that's ok...

Friday, November 30, 2012

On the run...

Almost :)

I went for my follow-up Monday morning with the neurosurgeon. It was actually rather humorous. He said, "So, how have you been feeling?" I told him that with the limited movement I had been allowed, it felt good, but I wasn't sure how it would feel if I did normal stuff. I also told him that I felt like I NEEDED to move and STRETCH!!

He kind of chuckled and said that I shouldn't be limiting myself because I won't improve!! WTH?!?

I was TOLD that the nurse practitioner is a more conservative in her treatments, BUT I shouldn't have any risk of reherniation during normal activity that doesn't cause pain.

I was cloud nine when I left. I had already made an appointment with Dr. Brian to get my first adjustment since August. It felt soooo good!!! Then, I headed back to kenpo class that night. I was so nervous, I thought I was going to puke. I looked at the speedometer on the way to the studio and realized that I was going almost 10 mph UNDER the speed limit.

To be honest, I was terrified!!

Think about it... I hadn't done anything in 3.5 months and here I was mere hours from being cleared and walking into the mats. Other than kicks and footwork, the return has gone smoothly. I've done 4 kenpo classes this week and survived!!!

It was kind of nice that another one of the students returned that same night after 6 months away due to open heart surgery. He was great... Such a motivator :)

I haven't had any back pain. I have had some pretty strange feelings in my foot. I have totally lost my sense of balance. We were doing footwork and I felt like a toddler learning to walk. Talk about feeling out of my comfort zone.

But, the BEST part happened today. I was able to coach again!!!

I got to fill in today as the throwing coach for the school. I got to do some shotput drills, work on form, and run them through some lifts. It felt sooo good!! Did I mention that I got my ankle taped so that I didn't kill myself trying to do the glide, hops, drills, etc. lol

Anyway, when I got home, I also went out and did some grocery shopping... Now I'm exhausted and I have to coach again tomorrow morning. I'm not going to whine... I LOVE doing this!!! It's so much fun. Yes, I'm a geek!!

 I don't care. I'm getting better. I'm trying to get back to normal. I will get back to normal, but until then... I wont give up.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Uh oh...

When I was on meds, I didn't have an appetite at all. It was AWESOME!! lol.

Without even trying I lost almost 11lbs, but then I stopped taking them...


I got on the scale this morning and saw a very scary number.

I seem to have found almost 10 of that 11lbs. I think I big part of it today was water weight, but seriously, I know that I've found at least 5 permanent pounds. Going to start tracking and working out again :)

Monday is my follow-up with the neurosurgeon and I'm hoping he lets me start doing more stuff.

**fingers crossed**

Anyway, for now, I'm just grateful that we have the food that I keep stuffing in my face and the ability to move, even if it's limited. I'm grateful that I have an amazing hubby, who thinks I'm his little "goddess" even with my "curves" and that my children are comfortable and confident in their own skin.

I had a great Thanksgiving with family :) I hope that you have "enough" this holiday season!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Time flies

Wow... So I can't believe that I haven't posted in almost a month. I'm not sure if anyone if even reading this anymore.

I just re-read some of the stuff I wrote over the past few months and... Ummm... Hmmm. I will recommend that no one EVER should blog while medicated. Yup, that's my professional opinion.

But, now I'm good.

I'm getting stronger, still very limited, but normal day to day stuff doesn't hurt!! Woohoo :) I would be lying if I told you that I was avoiding all bending, twisting and lifting. This isn't because I've been pushing it, or trying to over do it. Have you ever tried going about your day without moving your lower back?!?! It's pretty easy to do when it hurts, but once you feel good, you forget.

A couple of weeks ago, I was even involved in a car accident. Someone turned out onto the street I was driving, right into my passenger side bumper...Seriously?!?!

The driver drove off, which really sucked, and I was livid! The poor cop who showed up took the brunt of my madness... Sorry officer :(  He asked if I got the license plate number... Nope. Make and model of the car... Nope. Names of witnesses...ummm.... No!!!

Then the fun question. "Were you injured?"
Me: I don't know! Do you think it's bad that I had back surgery 4wks ago??
Officer: Oh, that's not good :( Do you think you need to be checked?
Me: nah, I have some muscle relaxers I can take when I get home. Thanks
Officer: oh, that's good, at least.

Now, because he drove away, even though I was in the middle of the main road. Even though the housing authority got his car on video. Even though there were witnesses... I'm still stuck with the deductible. Wtf?!! Why would ANYONE stop then??

Well, I get to go to my follow-up with the neurosurgeon Monday. I can't wait!!! I'm so excited. I'm nervous too though. I just want him to say that I can work hard and not have to worry about reinjury. Say a little prayer for me... Ok :)

Sunday, November 4, 2012


The past few weeks have been tough... Mentally.

I haven't felt like posting.

I mean,does anyone really want to read about a downward spiral?

After my follow up with neuro, I was recommended to go to physical therapy as a way to give me an outlet. I didn't want to go to the Spine program because the issues I'm having at this point actually have nothing to do with the original "spine injury". I'm dealing with getting strength and function back to my foot, ankle and lower leg. So I chose a physical therapist that I truly respect and admire.

I went to my physical therapy appointment on the 24th... 15 days after surgery. He was impressed that I was so functional and thought that I should probably have more apprehension than I do with movement. He was a little... Concerned, I think, that I was back at work already. I decided not to tell him that I'd been pitching for the whiffle ball games in class already too.

I was obeying all of the rules I was given... No bending, twisting, running,or jumping. No lifting more than 30lbs. I just tell the class that pretty much I'm a pitching machine and won't field the ball at all. We use foam balls with tape instead of the big plastic balls everyone pictures so if the ball gets it at me, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't hurt. I don't even really flinch.

At this point, I'm finally off all the meds and unless I do a lot of walking... Or, as I found out Friday, sit on the cold bleachers to watch a football game, I typically have a pretty normal walking gait. My foot and ankle still get tired and that's where I have pain, if any. Friday, my back was killing me because it felt like the entire thing was spasming after sitting for the halftime that we watched. I told Henry we needed to go home and the kids had their fill, so there were no arguments.

 I'm currently working on building up my strength, balance, and endurance. I'm looking forward to "being normal" again. I NEED to start working out soon. At least this is giving me something to focus on... 3.5wks down... 4 wks left til my next follow-up. If I get told that there's another delay, I might just snap though. Wish me luck!!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

"Flexible" timeline

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while. I've been seriously tired, oh yeah, and DRUGGED!!!

After the surgery, they upped my meds quite a bit and then I was a walking zombie. Guess what, I don't like that kind of feeling. I don't understand how people like to feel out of control, loopy, groggy, buzzed, whatever you want to call it!!

Now, the greatest part is that I try to act normal. I try not to fall asleep during my prep periods, but then I get home and instead I fall asleep on the couch with the kids running around the house. I've been ordering dinner so that I don't need to cook. My hubby has been doing the dishes, the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cooking, lunch packing... You get the point, right?!?!

So, this week I decided that I wasn't doing it anymore. I suddenly stopped taking all my meds!! Felt great... For about a day. Then I thought I was gonna DIE!

Apparently, after being on meds for almost 2months you can't just stop taking them. Funny thing is... The nurse practitioner never said it might not be a good thing to just stop... Not even when I told her that I had stopped just the night before. Won't she give me a heads up. Maybe a "you might want to do a taper". Something???

So, I've been feeling better... I've been tapering. At least the meds are settling. The activity is an entirely different story!

Prior to surgery I was told that I would be back to full... That was BS!

I went for my follow up and was informed that for the next 6wks I'm not allowed to twist,bend, or run. That means that after 7wks I MIGHT be able to start twisting, bending, and running... Maybe.

Please say a prayer for my sanity. I'm gonna need it!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

On the road to recovery

Yesterday was the big day!

I finally had the surgery... A partial laminectomy and partial discectomy. Fun stuff!

Now, I'm able to walk around and sleep without total and complete pain. I'm more excited about  the fact that I can move my foot, feel my leg, and not have the pain in my back, butt and thigh.

I was so excited about moving my foot normally, that I showed my husband...want to know what he said... "that's awesome! I'm so excited that you are getting better. All I've heard about for the past 2 months is your pain and lack of movement". So I started feeling bad and then he added "I think if I had to hear it for much longer I'd hang myself... I just needed to find some rope thick enough".

So, now I'm going to listen to the doctor, take my time and heal the way I need to! Btw...he made me pinky swear that I won't spar until after Christmas in kenpo class. Kinda sucks because I cannot wait to kick ass but I love him. I want to make sure that he's comfortable and I want to make sure that I don't have any other setbacks.

I get to walk and not do a whole hell of a lot more than that til my follow up next week. I'm just watching what I eat... Down to 166 now!! That's big since I was 186 when we got back from vacation in the middle of July... Oops!!

I can't wait to get back to running - I've bought my new Noosa Asics running sneakers :) and as soon as I return to kenpo and MMA I'll be going back into the Black Belt Club... Which means I'm working hard each week to improve my skills, knowledge, and forms. I even get to start working with weapons, which at first thought I was concerned about, but the more I think about it, the more excited I'm getting. I think I'm just super excited about working out! Coaching starts in December too... This year is going to rock!!!


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Let the countdown begin!!

So 1 week til the surgery.

Most people would be nervous. I'm excited!!

I even scheduled a Pampered Chef party for the Friday after the surgery. Heck, worst case scenario, I end up sitting on the couch with my friends hanging out, eating yummy food and buying amazing products. Yes, I have an addiction to Pampered Chef products! lol

But, that's not the REAL countdown... I was told that in 4-6wks I will be cleared to return to all activity!! Woohoo!! There is one small problem though. I actually bigger issues than my back because I was in denial for so long... now I have Drop Foot.

BTW... this could have been totally not a problem if I had just taken care of it weeks ago when I first noticed I had the issue. I mean I really waited almost 4wks before I was able to see the neurosurgeon. Now I'm scheduled for surgery to get my disc herniation fixed and that will require NO Physical Therapy BUT I will probably have to go to PT for my foot, leg, and glutes.

I know I can do the exercises myself, but I'm not good at motivating myself, as bad as that is. UGH!! I do however want to get back to running and Kenpo and MMA!!! I can't wait... I'm actually giddy :) hehe.

I'm going to be able to start participating in my physical education classes again! I am so excited! It gives me a whole new look at being active.

Yes, I know... I'm a geek!! I'm OK with it though :)

Monday, October 1, 2012

Light at the end of the tunnel...

Wow... I finally saw the neurosurgeon today. I was concerned. Actually, I cried in his office because I felt "good" today.

What I mean by that, is I didn't have any pain... even though I purposely didn't take my meds and I had minimal numbness in my lower leg. To be honest, I haven't felt this good since the first week of my injury and I was on the prednisone, valium, tramadol and advil. BUT yesterday, I woke up in SOOOO much pain that I was crying... took a double dose of my valium (which was OKed by the doctor) and sat in the recliner with feet elevated and minimal movement ALL day.

I was so afraid that he would think that I was making this whole thing up and wasting his time. He checked my strength in my lower leg, foot and ankle and noted a significant decrease... something I need to work on. He stated that I definitely have an issue that we have to deal with... and then he offered to show me my MRI results (actually, one of the images).

Holy Crap!!! He told me that he wasn't sure what the radiologist was thinking when it was noted that I had slight herniation. He said that if he had to describe it, it would be Huge or Enormous... yeah! I've been walking around and working, and trying to do all of my normal day to day stuff with an ENORMOUS disc herniation. This was a little shocking... but I was actually relieved to know that I wasn't a "head case".

This is an image of a disc herniation to give you idea of what is going on...

Taken from:
 Mine is more significant, but this shows what is happening.

Well, I walked in to discuss a plan and boy did I get one... I'm scheduled for surgery in 8 days! BUT I will only be out of work for 4 days and then I will be cleared for full go for Kenpo, MMA, lifting, coaching, Athletic Training... anything I want to do within 4-6wks! That's awesome!!!

I am actually extremely more stressed out by missing those 4 days of work than I am about having the surgery. I did my research. I asked around. I know that this surgeon is good. Of course, there are some people who have had bad experiences... there is NEVER a 100% guarantee and the individuals' follow through after a surgery can greatly effect the results.

I figured that I've already explained my procedure to many people and I googled it to put it here... I found an explanation that is very much like what Dr. Marcovici explained to me. I really wish I had my image, but maybe I can figure out how to post it when I get my CD back...

"A discectomy (also called open discectomy) is the surgical removal of herniated disc material that presses on a nerve root or the spinal cord. The procedure involves removing the central portion of an intervertebral disc, the nucleus pulposus, which causes pain by stressing the spinal cord or radiating nerves. The traditional open discectomy, or Love's technique, was published by Ross and Love in 1971. Advances in options have produced effective alternatives to traditional discectomy procedures (i.e. Microdiscectomy, Endoscopic Discectomy, and Laser Discectomy). In conjunction with the traditional discectomy, a laminotomy is often involved to permit access to the intervertebral disc. In this procedure, a small piece of bone (the lamina) is removed from the affected vertebra, allowing the surgeon to better see and access the area of disc herniation"

Now, the way he explained it, they are only removing the portion of the disc that is herniated and leaving the portion that is properly positioned between the vertebrae intact. There is only a 1" incision and he actually said that the surgery I had to remove my gall bladder last summer, was more invasive than this procedure. This really makes me happy since I was off all meds and trying on dresses only 3 days after that surgery :)

If you could say a prayer for me though, I would greatly appreciate it! I can't wait to get back to Kenpo, MMA, running, and actually being able to demo stuff as a Physical Education teacher and coach!! I think that is more exciting to me than Christmas EVER was!!

Wish me luck :)

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I know, this is getting old, but...

I keep focusing on the movement of my foot and I'm almost positive that at least one of the muscles is little to no work... like I can't feel contraction within the muscle when I try to move my foot. I was all excited because the numbness at the top of my foot and toes is decreased a little, but the numbness in the lateral compartment is present.

I can't wait to see the neurosurgeon!!!!

I can honestly say that I never, ever, EVER would have thought I would say those words. I also am a little annoyed with myself because I dragged this out longer than I had to ALREADY! I should have demanded an x-ray at the initial visit and THEN I SHOULDN'T have REFUSED the MRI on the second visit. By the 3rd visit, I thought I was improving but at least got the MRI ordered and then finally, the next visit I had them schedule the appoint with neuro... and supposedly Physical Therapy, but I haven't heard anything back from them about that.

I know this whole situation is boring the crap out of most people who visited before, and the numbers keep going down, but I have a couple of reasons to post this stuff...

1. It's cathartic... so I get it out and believe it or not, it helps my stress a little.
2. It helps me keep track of progress and changes.
3. It keeps people informed because soooo many people ask me how I'm doing and if things are getting better.

Today, I finally dealt with some housework that I've been putting off because it required bending. I just made sure to do a lunge (I can't really squat because it puts too much pressure on my back and with the lack of sensation on the right side, it's tough to balance anyway). Then I lifted a little and put it on the bed. Tried out, folded and sorted. They either went into my drawer, got bagged up for charity or went into a box for a little later when I lose a little more weight and they will be more flattering.

I haven't dealt with the kids clothes yet. That might be next weekend (or maybe throughout the week) I'll play by ear.

I have so much stuff to do and such little motivation to do it. I don't want to fall into a slump. I am trying to stay positive. I am trying to continue to do as much as I can. I am really, truly, trying to maintain as much normalcy (if that's how you spell it!!) as possible. You know, without being able to lift, bend, run, or move quickly! lol

Anyway, as I continue to tell myself. I am a very blessed person. My family and friends are amazing and I do not take that for granted... EVER!!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Working out!

Ok, so I haven't really been "working out" REALLY... just working an area of significant weakness.

A few weeks ago I got freaked out BIG time because I all of a sudden couldn't pick up my foot. It happened shortly after I covered a football game for a coworker and carried my medkit, sling pack, AED and stupid screwdriver... you know, the charged ones. Even though I use shears if I ever had an issue, but it was there, so I grabbed it.

Anyway, with the additional compression, I apparently compressed the nerve even more and suddenly I had Drop Foot. It's never a good thing btw. If left untreated, there can be permanent nerve damage. I was a little freaked out!

Well, since I was attempting to avoid any further medical involvement, mainly because I was in denial of my situation, I started trying to do some exercises. I was doing the alphabet with my toe... which was pretty humor since I couldn't move my foot up or out AT ALL!!! But I kept trying.

I started doing some myofascial release stuff on my lower leg using a lacrosse ball. I was still having pain and numbness and technically, I shouldn't be putting more pressure if I can't feel it, but what the hell do I have to lose?? I was trying to walk REALLY slowly to get a normal gait since the PT referral the doctor told me was scheduling still hasn't gone anywhere and I've been too busy lazy to call myself, since I actually work for the damn place, per diem anyway!

So, as I was saying... I started doing more exercises. Anytime I would sit down, I would "will" my foot to move! It wouldn't. I told the doctor, he was concerned and scheduled an appointment with a neurosurgeon. I got the call to confirm my "important, necessary appointment" for October 17th!?! Yeah, a month away!!!

I made a call... a friend who works there helped me cuz apparently, super doc didn't info Neuro I couldn't feel or move my damn foot! She informed Neuro guy and my appointment was moved to the 1st!! woohoo...

Now the kicker...

Either the meds, or the exercises and stretches and lacrosse ball worked! I can move my foot a little!!!

It's definitely not the same range of motion and I can't do ANYTHING against resistance, BUT that means I probably won't have permanent damage!! This is huge!! This is awesome!! This means I have to be really, really careful not to squish my damn disc again so this doesn't go away.

To tell you the truth. I still can't move it by the end of the night so I think I might still be doing too much at work but I can't help that. I can't reduce the walking, etc. I'm a damn Phys. Ed teacher! I wish the pain, burning and numbness in my foot and ankle would go away though... especially in the morning :(

I'm not a morning person anyway and lately, I have to admit... I've been a BEAR!! It hurts a LOT. Putting my shoe on in the morning is the worst part of my ENTIRE day. I mean, It hurts a LOT if I bend over. I can't bring my foot up and cross my leg. I refuse to ask my hubby to tie my shoe every morning... OH and then there's the whole thing about not being sure if it's tied too tight. That happened one day and I noticed like 3 hrs later which just caused more pain later. I'm a freaking mess!!

I think at this point, I just want to have the back pain back.

OK... maybe not.

I'm going to be positive. This could still be worse! I could not be able to work. I could not be to walk. I could have really, really big problems. I could not have the amazing people surrounding me. I mean seriously, my family and friends are amazing... I love them all... and it's not the drugs talking! Honest :)

I'm going to bed now. That's the second worst part of my day but I refuse to sleep in the recliner on the couch. good night!!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

My Competitive Side

As I've mentioned... I've pretty competitive.

At this point, I'm not allowed to do much. I'm actually having increased pain because I walked around Target with my kids for an hour while pushing an empty carriage and then carried a 9pk of wet wipes up the stairs to the house. Yup, I'm going BACK to the doctor's AGAIN tomorrow and telling him I need to see a neuro specialist, no more bull shit. No more drugs!!!

I know. I'm going to upset some people with this post... sorry.

Anyway, my husband got his License to Carry a few months ago. I was supposed to go to the class and I decided to skip it because I didn't feel comfortable with the whole idea of having the gun in the house and potentially killing someone if they came in. I know, stupid, since if they are in my house I'm probably going to be the one to die...

Well, now we have a gun. Now, even though I haven't taken the class I still have the pressure of protecting my family if my husband isn't home.

Now, I want to take to the class. I want to get my own license and I want to be completely prepared. BUT... until then, I get to practice shooting. Henry joined the Shooting Range and he can take one person with him. That means I will be getting used to actually handling a gun. Thankfully he got a revolver. That means that nothing can be left in the chamber. I like that.

We've started discussing it with the kids, but as responsible gun owners, they have NO access to the equipment... even if they tried. We have friends who are police officers and one couple have a daughter who is a pro at what to do when there is a gun around... Don't touch it. Get away from it. Tell an adult immediately.

I've actually even picked out the gun that I want, because I'm not all that thrilled with the one Henry chose. I can't wait to go to the range. I told him I can out shoot him :) I'm really excited because it will give me a competitive outlet without causing any pain. Actually, right now, I don't even think excited is the right word. I'm downright giddy :)

Anyway, I'm setting up the goals that I need to discuss with my doctor. Until then, I actually have something to look forward to. Wish me luck!!

Mixed Emotions

The pain hasn't changed much at all this entire week.

This basically means that after 3 weeks of being heavily medicated (for me), doing pretty much nothing other than walking, sleeping anywhere from 8-13hrs a night because I'm always exhausted and visiting the doctor 3 times in less than that many weeks, I haven't progressed at all!!!

I was scheduled for an MRI on Thursday and was terrified of the results. Part of me was afraid that it would show I was being a wimp and there was nothing wrong. The other part of me was afraid that it would show I needed surgery right away! I wasn't afraid of surgery. Just the unknown.

I got a call from the doctor stating that the MRI showed a bulge, but that it doesn't appear to be surgical. He was "hopeful" that it would improve and that I would have a comfortable weekend. I am supposed to call him if the symptoms continue and/or worsen.

Guess what... I get to call him TOMORROW!!! I've been waiting all weekend to call him.

I am in a LOT of pain at my ankle and still have the decreased sensation in my foot and lower leg. I'm even starting to have pain in my calf (probably because of the change in gait secondary pain and decreased sensation).

I am an athletic person. I am a Physical Education Teacher. I am a Track and Field Coach. I am an Athletic Trainer!! How the hell does this doctor think I can just let this continue like this?? Why would he want me to continue to take meds??? Isn't that a bad thing??

I'm trying to stay positive. I keep telling myself that this is temporary and that it will get resolved. I can't keep doing this. I can't wake up in pain every morning. I can't physically, mentally or emotionally maintain this level of activity. UGH!!!!

Monday, September 10, 2012

OK... More than a little support needed

I had to go back to the doctor's office AGAIN today...

The thing is, I knew what she was going to tell me.

I've been avoiding it.

I mean, seriously, when you have back pain and some serious numbness and decreased strength in the extremities, is there really any denying that there is disc and nerve involvement? Of course not. BUT, as you have seen, I've been trying to look at it on the positive side.

It'll get better!
It's not too bad... if I'm wearing the appropriate shoes :)
I feel great... when medicated!

But, then I started to skip taking the meds. I have this intense fear of taking too many meds. It's irrational really. I mean, if I didn't need them, I would quite frankly FORGET to take them! I forget vitamins, antibiotics, supplements... you name it. I just don't have the attention span or motivation to remember them. Yet, the idea of getting "hooked" on meds scares me.

After 2 days of taking them only "as needed" I haven't slept more than 2hrs at a time and I'm pretty exhausted. I finally went in to the talk to the doctor again. She's awesome btw... She understands my concerns. Has similar views and has actually been through this exact situation... only she let it go too far and ended up requiring emergency surgery.

Today, she wrote out a script for an MRI. She said that based on my symptoms insurance CAN'T deny it. AWESOME! That's how screwed up I am!! Anyway, so when I get the MRI, I get to follow-up with a neurosurgeon. She told me that because of the decreased sensation and motor function in my foot and lower leg, surgery will more than likely be the recommended course of action.

I know, I know... get a second opinion. I don't care!! I trust the doctor she is referring me to because he is the one who treated her. I have worked in athletics for a long time and to be honest, I'm all for the aggressive, fix it and move on approach. Am I scared? Hell yeah!!

I'm most frightened of missing time at work after only just beginning the school year. After only being a teacher at the school for a year. I'm frightened that I'm going to be a burden on my hubby, who already takes care of so much while I'm injured but still hobbling around.

I'm confident in the medical community. I'm confident in my ability to overcome this challenge. I'm confident in my faith. This is a setback that will in the end make me stronger. I refuse to let it derail my progress to continue to improve my health and I'm looking forward to returning to the activities that I have grown to love!!

Friday, September 7, 2012

I need some support

I've had to change some of my goals lately.

Earlier this summer, I was aiming to run a 10K in October for the first time ever, begin sparring at the martial arts center that I've become quite fond of, continue to improve my physical conditioning at the same place through their Mixed Martial Arts fitness program, and just plain, get healthy.

It didn't seem to be an overwhelming list.

Actually, I thought it was pretty freaking reasonable.

Well, today my goals have changed. They need to be SMART goals... lol (Sorry, at work we need to start doing S.M.A.R.T. goals and they are insane... so that is an inside joke that most won't get and others won't really care about). Anyway, they need to be specific, measureable, attainable, relevant, and time bound.

In the medical world, this is what all short and long term goals are broken into. I've created thousands of these for athletes and patients and occasionally pretended to create them for myself. BUT today I realized that I need to start being more specific.

It's the beginning of the year and like most kids going back to school, I needed to get some new "kicks". I wanted to get the Asics Noosa running shoes...

I have last seasons' (they have pink instead of purple at the forefoot) and they glow in the dark. BTW... I HATED them when I bought them. I thought they were hideous, but they felt like slippers!! AND they glow in the dark :) I've fallen in love with them...

But, since my follow-up with the doctor yesterday I've come to the realization that I won't be needing them for a while :(

I'm not allowed to do anything more than cycling, swimming and possibly the elliptical for at least 2 weeks. THEN, I get to return to Kenpo, on a self-limited basis... yes, I had to talk her into allowing this part too. Basically, this means that running is out for a while and that means no 10K, and well, no real reason for the really cool, glow in the dark shoes, right??

I'm having increased sensation in my lower leg and foot, but still have a serious sense of instability when I walk on an unstable surface or try to walk quickly. Being a Physical Education teacher makes this whole thing seem very discouraging. I am trying to get the kids pumped and moving. I am attempting to show them how to do functional training for the Fitness Testing we will be administering, including agilities, jumps, and sprints... without actually being ABLE to perform ANY of that!!! 

I decided that I needed to get some additional support and headed to the store. I did some research and although they have walking shoes with the cushioning I need, even those are seriously lacking in the lateral stabilization I wanted. New Balance has some heavier shoes with wider "heel cups", but me and NB sneakers DON'T get along... at all! 

I tried them twice and both times I ended up with a serious case of plantar fasciitis within only a few days of wear. The last thing I need is ANOTHER source of pain. 

I looked at some soccer turf shoes and although they are pretty cool to look at, and as much as I love adidas products, I still gravitate to Asics. So... I grabbed some pretty cool Volleyball sneakers with an athletic insert to give me the cushion I need with the comfort and support of the shoes I love...
These are similar to the ones I got, but mine are PINK and silver... lol!
The lady at the store looked at me like I had 8 heads, but hell, she doesn't have to worry about falling over when she puts her damn foot down... I do!! These felt awesome! Besides, I figured the only other option I really had was a high-top shoe, and I'm NOT going there! 

Tonight, I think I'm going to lace them up and head downstairs to the elliptical for 10mins or so. I just want to start doing something again. I'm also doing some core stuff to help stabilize the area and prevent more inflammation. 

The doctor seemed hopeful that with some additional weight-loss, progressive exercise program, and ice I should be able to make a relatively safe return to normal. I'm a pretty controlling person and the fact that I can't make this better any quicker is frustrating. I'm just trying to focus on not making it worse and keeping the symptoms down. 

My hubby told me to go buy the Noosa's and put them aside for my return. I might end up doing that. I would really like to continue on the journey I started again this summer... and I even had hopes of eventually completing a 1/2 marathon. I'm not counting myself out right now, but I am going to say that I will allow myself the time and patience to achieve it safely. 

I'm putting one foot in front of the other in my brand new, shiny Pink and Silver Volleyball sneakers :)

Monday, September 3, 2012

Oh, the pain!!

I consider myself a pretty tolerant person, as far as pain. OK... it's all relative, but you know what I mean. I was having the back pain and that was bad. It hurt to twist, move, run, etc. I went to the doctor and got the meds to relief that. I was hoping it was going to be muscular and that it would all be ok.

While I was working out I could feel the tightness in my IT Band and my butt. I thought that my SI Joint... where the hip meets up with the spine was irritated again since I'm running at almost 20lbs more than I ever was before. The pain was dull at first and continued to get worse. 

So this week I have been taking the steriod to reduce the inflammation and was told that by this time I should know if it's muscular or not. Guess what??

It's not! If it was the muscle, the pain would be relieving and I could potentially be running and returning to martial arts... but NO!!!  Instead of the annoying, burning pain of this...

Now I get to deal with this...

 Help, I have Sciatica!

See that dark line of pain down to the foot??? Yup, that may as well be a freaking knife!!! Especially right at my ankle and lateral compartment of the my lower leg!

Basically, this means that I get to call my doctor again and see what she says. The only thing I don't want... Physical Therapy.

Yeah, I've worked in a PT clinic. I've worked with people with these issues. I HATE trying to make time for this crap, for me! I have continued to add new stretches. I stopped foam rolling because it HURT!! I tried to stop taking all of the meds except for the steriods because I was told that I was required to finish those.

That lasted all of 2hrs yesterday... lol.

Wish me luck!!

I was supposed to be running my first 10K October 28th and I'm not ready to throw this plan away YET.

I've pretty much maintained my weight at this point, which is good because last week when I was taking the steriod 6,5, and 4 times are a day I gained almost 7lbs instantly! OMG... I was freaked out!!

Today I got onto the scale and it was 175.2 which is still 10+ lbs down from vacation last month :) I'm telling myself that I'm happy as long as I continue to maintain and lose slowly. I actually even bought these little salt and pepper shakers at Pier 1 a few weeks ago to keep me grounded. It's a tortoise and the hare... slow and steady wins the race, right?!?!

Keeping positive, keeping active and most importantly... eating yummy, healthy food. I mean, hell, at this point, it's just about the only thing I can control!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

On my way...

Today I actually did a little activity!! Actually, yesterday I reached 125% of my daily activity, based on the Active Link for Weight Watchers.

This is AWESOME!!!

I mean, last week I actually stopped wearing the stupid thing because I was in so much pain I could barely get it to 50%.

That's a BIG, HUGE, GINORMOUS improvement :)

I even got my yellow belt last night. That's me on the left...

We are like the three amigos... lol! Carolyn, in the middle is an advanced yellow belt now and Jen is a yellow belt along with me :) We are all on the PTO and are pretty much inseparable. It's cool. All of our daughters are friends... and husbands, and heck even our dogs get along. Can you beat that???

I think I need to be part of the BBC (the black belt club) just so that I can get to wear the cooler, way flattering black Gi... lol!! The only issue is that I'm not quite sure I want to learn how to handle the weapons. They seem big and awkward and a little intimidating. I don't know.

I was terrified to promote just because at the end of the ceremony the instructor (Lance Soares... in the middle of us, in the back) gets to kick you in the chest. The night before, it took me a good 10-20 mins to get off the floor after deciding to lay down and stretch out a little. So the thought of getting kicked in the chest, even if he did promise to just tap me, scared the daylights out of me!

Anyway, I got to show a few of my skills with the rest of the class... None of the kicks, which also eliminated many of the forms, but the punches and blocks were doable. I made sure to take ALL of the meds available to me prior, just in case :)

Today, I was the medical coverage for a high school football game and didn't have any increase in pain. I wore my slingpack to the front so that it wasn't forcing me into a susceptible position, but I was still wearing it for almost 3hrs, without increased pain... that's HUGE! See, big progress!!

I will be buying new running shoes this week and hopefully at least starting on the elliptical to get the intensity increased a little. We went for a walk with the kids and their scooters and bikes today for over an hour and it felt sooo good!!

I think that I'm on the up and up and I am excited about possibly signing up for a 10k for the end of October. If this whole thing is just muscular, as it appears at this point, I should be perfectly OK to pull it off!!

Wow, the jump back into activity is so much fun :)

Watch me go!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Feeling like a slug

Today marks day 3 of the pain killer/muscle relaxer regiment.


I'm still pretty confident that this is just a muscular thing. I only have pain when the meds run out because I've forgotten to take them during the day. Yesterday, I forgot to take one that you are supposed to have food with... yeah, not good!

I ran upstairs between classes, grabbed the tablet and chugged some water. Then I headed back down to the next class. Since this is the first week of school, we are still assigning lockers and giving out combinations. I was feeling fine... until I wasn't...

I all of a sudden got really, really hot. My head felt light. My ears started to feel almost blocked and my eyes started to twitch a little. It felt like the world was closing in. I started to lean against the lockers and continued what I was doing.

After giving the last student her locker information and helping another figure out how to open her's, I went into my office and started to chow down on some goldfish crackers. I thought I was feeling better so I headed back to the gym.

I realized almost immediately that I was probably going to drop. I saw one of my fellow teachers (there are 7 of us... yeah, it's a big school) and I told him I wasn't feeling very well. He jokingly said, "You gonna pass out". I said, "Yeah".

So I went back upstairs.

The pressure was building in my ears, the world was spinning and I was really nauseous. I knew I had to eat SOMETHING!! I grabbed the Chobani yogurt out of the fridge and after the first bite, I thought it was coming back... how the hell was I going to make it through this with some dignity??

I ate the yogurt and sat down with my head on the desk. Thank God it's only the first week and we aren't actually doing the curriculum yet. I almost feel asleep!

I was finally feeling better about an hour later and had to take the painkillers - over an hour late. I was sore. I just wanted to go home! I left school at the end of the day, picked up the kids and headed home. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my husband lately?? He's the best!

He won't let me do laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, or pretty much anything else. He's been watching the kids and letting me sleep... which he suggested I do :) I felt a lot better when I woke up and he even had dinner ready! A steak with some greek style risotto and broccoli. Very cool! Very yummy!!

I have 10 more days left of the meds and can't wait to get back to Kenpo and MMA. Hopefully the back pain will be gone and won't return as long as I continue with my stretches, foam roller, hydration, and proper nutrition.

Anyway, at this point, this is what my bedside table looks like... yeah, I'm hurting :)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I guess I'm actually injured

Have you ever seen the movie, "The Program"?

The Coach is asking a player who was just hit pretty hard and on the ground struggling to get up...
"Are you injured or are you hurt?" 
The player offers only a quizzical look in response. 
The coach then states in a cool demeanor: 
"Well, if you're injured, I cannot let you go back in, but if you are hurt you can play."

I've been hurting for a while now. Actually, the more I think about it, I've been in some sort of discomfort for over a month. But yesterday I finally went to the doctor.

Have I mentioned that I HATE going to the doctor? It's borderline fear for some reason. I'm terrified that they will tell me I can't do something. 

This time I was terrified that I was going to need to take time out... of karate, work, life, whatever. I just didn't want to miss anything. 

I was at the point that even sleeping hurt. I woke up anytime I moved and it was difficult to put weight down onto my right foot because of the pain in my back. I was still doing the MMA fitness and Kenpo and I had stopped running. It wasn't getting better. 

I was stretching, using the foam roller, taking advil, avoiding excessive training and it was still getting worse. So after 2 adjustments at the chiropractor and a 1hr massage that almost resulted in me being stuck on the table, I decided I should probably get checked out. 

I walked in told the doctor my whole story...

"So it's been bothering me for a while. The pain was originally in the Quadratus Lumborum, then my glutes were tight. I started foam rolling and remembered that my IT band and hip flexors have always been issue."

She was listening intently. 

I continued...
"So then it moved to the lumbar and sacral regions and this weekend I was having a burning pain in my thigh".

The funny thing is, I've been doing the tests myself. The nerve tension tests, the whole, when does it hurt? Comparing my range of motion. If I was one of my athletes, I would have been seen WEEKS ago. 

Instead, I waited until now. The first day of school and I wasn't missing any time. 

She somehow managed to talk me into filling all of the recommended prescriptions... 4 of them actually! 

I said I wasn't going to take the valium unless it was night time. Yup, that lasted a full 7hrs of sunshine. I also said i wasn't going to take the Tramadol, which is a pain reliever. Took that this morning after not being able to stand up straight upon waking. I had to take the prednisone 6times today too. 

I'm absolutely exhausted but can't wait to finally SLEEP!!! I'm almost completely painfree right for the first time in over a month and I'm taking advantage of it to rest. 

Hoping to be back to karate soon. If everything is good and this is just a muscular thing, I will be set to start low impact stuff in like 2wks. Otherwise, I need to get an MRI. Fingers crossed!!!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I know, I know. I said that I would get right back on the wagon on Monday.

THEN Monday came and it was Phoebe's birthday. Do you know where she wanted to eat?? Red Robin again. YUP! This is one of my favorite places ever and just last week I brought the kids there (it's about 20mins away, so we never go) and I avoided the fries, the onion rings, the burgers... hell, I didn't even eat the damn bread!!

So Monday, I had the Burnin' Love Burger. I was thinking how I could slim it down, but decided that I would get it the way it is, but with the spicy mayo on the side and then just eat half.

Uh huh... that was the plan.

Well, I ended up eating the whole thing, along with some fries. I was stuffed! Why the hell did I do that??

So instead, I ended up getting back on track yesterday. I stayed within my daily points and today has been a good day too.

Unfortunately, yesterday was not a good day for my back. I couldn't get it to feel better, so I didn't end up working out. Today, I woke up and couldn't walk. Actually, I had a VERY difficult time standing on one foot so I could get my shorts on before leaving my bedroom when I woke up. The pressure on my hip was INSANE!

I realized when I sat down that the pressure of the edge of the chair was causing a numbing pain down my leg... Hmmm... oh yeah... 6 yrs figuring out other people's injuries and it takes me 2 days to realize that it's not my back I need to stretch, but rather, my hamstrings and butt!! Way to go, Brainiac!

So I got the heat pack out and did some low back, butt, hamstring, and IT band stretches. I don't feel great, but at least now I can walk, sit, and even bend! I won't be going to MMA fitness tonight, but I think I will do an elliptical workout. All I really want to do it start running again!

I want to sign up for the Spooner 10K. I've never run that far in a race. Heck, I've never just RUN that far, period! Last summer when Elizabeth and I ran, we did a walk/run thing. Not that that's a bad thing. I REALLY want to run the New Bedford 1/2 Marathon this year, actually. I'm usually the medical personal for Water Station #6, but I want to run. I want to finish!!

This means that I have to really start behaving with the food. Kicking up my game with my workouts and just plain, staying active!

Today is a pool day so I'm hoping to "hang out" in the deep end and get some relief from the pain. Tomorrow is Kenpo and I should be getting my yellow belt! At least, I hope I'm getting my yellow belt. I wasn't totally on par Monday... ugh! I was starting to get sore.

Anyway, do you have any fitness goals for this year, this month, or whatever??

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Weekend Off!!

For the past few weeks, I've tracked everything that I've consumed, hoping that the weight will continue to drop. It has and I've been happy, but this weekend Hubby and I were able to escape!

We dropped the kids and dog off at a friends house and drove only about 35mins to a B&B. It was perfect! We stayed at the Edgewood Manor Inn. It was great! The owner and his friend welcomed us even though we were about 2hrs early... ok, so we were excited about our night away :)

We were brought up to our room on the 3rd floor. It was the Empire Room. The 2person jacuzzi was half the size of Phoebe's room, I swear... and about 3 ft deep! heehee... yeah, I liked it :)

We changed and headed to dinner at Gracie's in Providence, RI. I love food. I mean, I know people say this, but I really, really love food. The menu is amazing and everything looks so good, it's almost impossible to decide what you want to try. Sooo... we decided why choose.

We ordered the 5 course chef's tasting menu with a wine pairing.

I have to say that THIS is the happiest place on earth. The only thing that would have made it better is if we had chosen the 7 course tasting menu :)

Everything was so delicious. The chef sent out and amuse bouche as we were drinking our pre-meal cocktails and starting to try one of the 4 house-made breads. Then the courses and wines started. I was going to take pics, but then I forgot because the food was just calling to be eaten.

I think I would have stayed way below my points if I had avoided the 3-4pieces of bread I inhaled... but it was soo good. I have no regrets, even if I gain weight this week. It was completely worth it. Hey, life happens. Today we had a 3course breakfast, including a fruit cup, blueberry muffin, cinnamon apple cake, and scrambles eggs florentine.

On the way home, we stopped to get lunch at a restaurant we'd been eyeing for a while, but we usually have the kids with us. It just so happened that they had a brunch set up with ALL of the fixings! Crab stuffed sole, chicken marsala, prime rib and ham. Then a pasta station, omelette station, soup and salad station, dessert station, AND bacon, sausage french toast, etc...

I was good, but after everything else, this probably wasn't the best idea. My evening hasn't been so good either. I mean, I had a damn ice cream cone for dinner!

Anyway, it's all out of my system. I'm ready to get back on track tomorrow, with the hopes that maybe it would help jump start my system. Either way, live, learn and move on. I will NOT be derailed by one weekend of pure food bliss :)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Motivation at it's best...

I wasn't able to make it to the weigh-in yesterday :( I had to do the conditioning with the football team and when it was time to leave the skies opened up... not good.

Especially not good with 4 kids! 5,6,7 and 8yrs old. We were all soaked to the core. Now, I wear the lightest clothes possible, dry my hair, take off my shoes AND pee before I get on the scale every week. There was no way in hell I was getting on the scale dripping!!

I think I will be going to the meeting on Saturday. I hate that meeting, but I need to go since I won't be able to go on Sunday.

I'm not a fan of the leader :( If you've ever been to WW meeting, the leader totally makes or breaks it. Each one has their own way of doing it. The lady on Saturday drives me insane... her voice kind of cuts me. That's awful, right? Oh well... I need to weigh-in. It's actually kind of good because Saturday night I get to out with my hubby! Yay!!

The scale is showing me what I want to see this week, but I'm going to keep going. I'm NOT going to get frustrated!! I want to go downstairs and workout, but with the extra kiddos, I don't trust leaving for that long. Maybe I'll challenge them all to a Dance Off!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Ooohhh the pain..

For the last couple of weeks I've been having some serious back pain. I went to one of my good friends, who is a chiropractor, to try to get some relief. It helped a little, but every time I workout I'm in pain.

The other day when we were done with MMA class, we were stretching and I could NOT get into the Cobra position. I just couldn't arch my back... it hurt too much! I couldn't understand how I could make it through this ridiculously insane workout, but I couldn't survive the stretch. I mean, I do actually know why.

It's because the muscles contracting and spasming actually help secure the injured area. It's only when you relax that the pain occurs. It's actually pretty common. BUT... that only makes sense when it happens to one of my athletes. Not me!

So I went and got an adjustment. I felt a little better and then I jogged. It made the pain come back full scale. I think it was also exacerbated by wearing my damn sling pack for the football camp. I have to get a NEW one... again! I couldn't wear the fanny or hip pack because it caused pain, and now the sling pack is bothering me. I need to find a backpack or something.

Anyway, yesterday I did an elliptical-treadmill cross training workout. I still had issues!! Damn... so today I decided to do a full elliptical workout. Then I was able to meet a friend and treaded water for a while. Its the end of the day and NO back pain!! We'll see how long this lasts.

Tomorrow is weigh-in. I'm a little nervous. I really, really want to get under 175. It's completely doable... I think.

Holding my breathe!!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Healthy Cookout!!

I didn't think to take pictures yesterday, but OMG, we had some awesome food!!

We have been so busy this summer that we have only had one cookout for our little family of 4, never mind a cookout with our friends. So we decided to remedy this yesterday.

The funny thing is, most of our friends are watching what they eat, as well. And the others don't care what we eat as long as it tastes great. Well, that's not a big problem, especially with a chef in the house. I went grocery shopping Saturday and decided to incorporate some seafood into the mix, along with the usual hot dogs, burgers, etc.

This was our menu:

Jumbo Shrimp with Pampered Chef Thai Red Curry Rub
Cod fillets with pear tomatoes and Pampered Chef Citrus and Basil Rub
(both of these had a very small amount of butter added and then were wrapped in foil packets to steam on the grill)
8 oz lean Sirloin Steaks - I was able to split one with 2 other friends so we could sample everything :)
Roasted Potatoes with "Secret Weapon" seasoning that Hubby created for our homefries when we owed a breakfast restaurant and a drizzle of oil to make it stick.
Fruit Salad - watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, blueberries, and grapes
Corn on the Cob steamed in their husks on the grill

Friends brought:
Stuffed Mushrooms - soooo yummy
Three Bean Salad

And the typical cookout necessities:
Hot Dogs
Bacon Burgers - yes, there is bacon ground into the ground beef. These rock!

Dessert was a Trifle made with Angel Food Cake ripped up (only about 2/3 of the cake), 1 1/2 pints of strawberries topped with 2Tbsp of sugar to break them down, and 1 1/2 tubs of fat free cool whip. This filled the entire trifle bowl and we had 5oz bowls to serve it in, which helped with portions.

Everything was absolutely amazing! I had seltzer water to drink and didn't touch the typical stuff at all, so I was able to enjoy all of the food without any guilt! I mean seriously, the steak, fish and shrimp together "cost" me the same points as one burger and bun would have wasted.

I didn't feel like I was skimping at all and everyone enjoyed the food!! Hubby and I have both lost about 7lbs since being back from vacation. I am hoping to lose at least another 2-3lbs this week. Fingers crossed!!

Last week was 2lbs and that brought me to 7.6lbs down in 3weeks. I was at 177.8 last Wednesday, and I would LOVE to skip 175 completely. I guess that means I need to head downstairs and visit my treadmill. I have been a serious slacker this weekend, only earning 3 activity points total in 2 days. oooppss!!

Hmmm... what to make for dinner tonight?? Probably going to eat some steak and potatoes that were left over from yesterday :)

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Something super yummy!

The past week has been crazy.

It wasn't go go go... well, it was a little, but I had some breathing time.

The thing is, I like consistency.

I like to have a schedule that is constant. If it's an all day thing, a part-time thing, whatever. I like being able to get a system together. This week did not fall into that category, at all!

Yesterday, I got up and managed to get a short jog in, then I had Kenpo class... my first class since last Thursday... MUCH needed!! and that was followed by the last night of Super Skills Football camp. Can I just add that we had tornado AND flash flood warnings while I was at camp. lol. Gotta love New England weather.

So at the end of camp, I was pretty ravenous. I was heading home and all I wanted to do was stop and get a damn Whopper!!! I got home and grabbed the grape and pear tomatoes, mushrooms, garlic and rotisserie chicken we had in the fridge and the artichoke hearts from the cabinet and went to town.

I sliced the mushrooms, quartered the tomatoes, minced the garlic, chopped the chicken and heated up the pan.

Ok - 2 tsp of olive oil and the garlic went into the pan until it was golden, then I tossed in the mushrooms. I let them saute a little before throwing in the tomatoes and artichokes. After these were all wilted appropriately, I tossed in the chicken and seasoned with some salt and pepper. It still wasn't where I wanted it to be. I need FLAVOR!

I searched the fridge and found the Kikoman Teriyaki Marinade... Yay! Love this stuff. Back in the day before I knew my Chef Hubby and ate whatever the hell I wanted - all the while gaining more and more weight... I used to love to make some pasta elbows and toss it in the marinade. hehe :)

Yeah, that wasn't the healthiest time in my life, but thankfully after being together for 12 years, I've been able to spread my culinary wings. This was super yummy and I will definitely be making it again. The best part is the chicken and oil were the only things that even "cost" points for the this meal.

Have you been able to grab and cook any fun and yummy meals lately??

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Hehe... headed down to the treadmill. I'm going to try to just do a slow steady run. It's so much easier for me to do interval training on the treadmill. That way it doesn't get boring.

I went downstairs and started to run on the treadmill. For the first minute I had it at 4.7mph but that was too slow and a little painful. So I bumped it up to 5.0 and I was doing great. At about 23mins into the run my daughter came downstairs with her cars. 

I knew this wasn't going to be good. I wear headphones and try to tune out everything. 

BTW... I have no idea how people can just run a consistent tempo on the treadmills for an hour or so. I get soooo bored. I kept asking myself "Am I having problems breathing?" "Are my legs starting to feel weak?". Nope to both... ok, let's keep moving.

But then she started asking me questions. She was talking to me about cars. I snapped a little. Then she told me that she was going to go upstairs and get dressed. Then she came back down one more time to tell me something. I don't know what it was. I just knew that the running was over. 

I tried to walk for a couple of minutes to recover, but my focus was gone and suddenly my legs felt like jelly. I'm so frustrated. I made it 26mins. That's almost 2.5 miles without stopping... without even walking! I wanted to make it to 40mins. 

I think tomorrow will be a good day for another run. I'll be doing intervals though. I like doing the intervals because I get to change the pace and only focus for 30secs - 3mins. 

How do you maintain focus on a run???

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

That moment When...

I decided that I was going to try to save my extra points this week. I figured it would be easy today since I wasn't feeling well earlier and had to still the Football camp tonight. That is key since then I'm too busy to snack or anything.

Well, on my way home I felt like I wanted to get something as a treat. Hell, I wanted a damn Whopper, but I figured I would settle for a Frozen Mocha Madness.

Yeah, I drank that whole thing. The entire time I was wondering how bad it was for me. I was figuring 8 or 9pts. I mean, I got the small.


That freaking drink cost me 19pts!!! That's more than half my daily points.

This was not cool. I could have had a Whopper for less than that WITH mayonnaise!!

I was pissed off.

Oh well, live and learn, right??

Gonna work that much harder tomorrow.

Weigh-In Day Today... week 3

Down 2 more lbs!!

That makes minus 7.6lbs in 3 weeks.

I'm a little bummed cuz I know I can do better, but I think that at least it's consistent, so I'll take it.

I have been slacking a little each week as far as eating. Not all of the time, but every now and then I just go for it. I thinks it's better this way since I haven't felt deprived and I'm still losing. It's maintainable this way.

Ok - Well, I'm going to try to lighten up a version of Banana Cream Cheese Bread. I found a recipe the other day and had it bookmarked... or so I thought :( I can't find it again. Hate it when the happens.

If this goes well, I will be sure to post it!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The scale and I are not seeing things quite the same way lately.

For the past couple of weeks I keep working harder and eating better and the stupid thing won't change the number!!

I have this little voice in my head that just wants to say "screw it". I want to stop tracking and just eat whatever the hell I want again.


I know that within a few months I was able to gain 30lbs with that philosophy though...
                                                                                                    so it isn't really an option.

I have to remember that as long as I continue on this path, I will reach my goal.
               It will once again be gratifying and I will be an example to my girls, my students, and my athletes.

I'm going to get in a workout now before the motivation is gone.

I need to keep moving!

Weigh-in is tomorrow...
                       Thinking light thoughts...

Saturday, August 4, 2012

photo by Umfridus

I've been trying to take my weight loss one step at a time this time. I don't know what my problem has been over the past 2 years. When I first started losing weight, it was a struggle on my own. I managed to lose 10lbs before joining Weight Watchers with my mom. I joined the Tuesday after Thanksgiving and by the time I found out that I was pregnant in the beginning of April, I had lost 30lbs.

I tried to maintain my healthy eating habits during my pregnancy and somehow returned to WW within after giving birth having only gained 11lbs! I was sooo proud of myself and managed to keep the weight loss going. At about 165lbs, I signed up for a personal trainer. It was sooo expensive, but it helped a LOT because it got my butt to the gym. I didn't lose as much weight as I wanted, but I kept getting smaller.

I kept wanting to hit the 153lb mark. That would have marked 70lbs gone! I kept going to the meetings. I kept trying to find "lighter" weigh in clothes. No matter what I did... working harder, eating better, not drinking or eating ANYTHING before my weigh-ins at 10am... nothing helped. I couldn't reach that stupid milestone.

It was so frustrating and at one point, I just said "SCREW IT!"

Well, that was about 2yrs ago and I finally feel like I'm on the right path again.

At my weigh-in Wednesday, I was 179.8lbs. Yes, that it 27 lbs more than I was 2yrs, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's still 43lbs less than where I started.

The first week back on program I lost 5.8lbs and last week I gained .2. I was frustrated again, but I'm still going. I'm increasing my activity. Improving my eating and tracking everything... no matter how many scary points it is.

I have to stay focused and remember that it's a lifestyle change. There will be ups and downs. There will be unexpected circumstances and stress and food... oh, how I love food!!!

But I will continue to try to make foods that are super yummy, but not so bad. Heck, maybe hubby and I will finally write that cookbook we've been talking about. I wonder if anyone would buy it :)

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Family Workout

Today I was able to do the conditioning for the high school athletes again. I love doing it... it's so much fun! they are energetic and ready to push themselves.

LMAO... ok, so they are great kids who want to get bigger, faster, stronger. Especially, if they can find a shortcut to doing it :)

They came in today and had to do a few laps, then agility ladder stuff before we did some dynamic stretching. Then we went right into a circuit. They were less than fond of some of the exercises, but suffered through each one. We finished with some relay races, cool down laps and stretching.

Now, the thing I thought was funny was that because they kept asking me what each exercise was, or what the proper form was, or I just decided to demonstrate a particular form because they were doing it so poorly... I actually earned 33% of daily goal just coaching! woohoo!

This is something I love to do. This is sooo not work and yet, I was building up my activity. Activity, that I never would have counted!

Then the girls and I did some school shopping. I was still not at 100% yet, so I decided to go on the treadmill before Kenpo. Thursdays are form nights so we don't usually get as much cardio. I hopped on expecting to jog a mile or mile and a half, but only a minute into it, I had to walk. It felt like my achilles was going to pull a chunk of my heel off!!

I usually would have been frustrated and gone upstairs, but instead I walked for 15mins.

The best part was that the girls had come downstairs with me and they continued to workout too! They used the elliptical, the mini tramp, and the punching bag... complete with the gloves! It was awesome!We did a family workout. They were able to use the machine. They started lifting the 2lb weights and I was so proud.

This might actually be the start of a new routine!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Wicked Bummed!!

Weigh-in day today... dun dun dun... yeah. I gained .2lbs :(

Now one of my BFFs tried cheering me up by saying that's pretty much what I would have lost if I peed, and that I maintained which is still an accomplishment.

I get it. I do. I maintained... even after a HUGE chip binge Friday night with cowboy food, cookies and a few Miller Lite Ultra Cider's, BUT I also tracked EVERYTHING and I upped my workouts by a LOT.

It's just frustrating. I would have been happy if it had been -.2 even though it's the same thing... not much of a change.

Henry told me to be happy cuz last week was pretty much a gift. I have no idea how I lost 5.8lbs in my first week. NO idea what so ever. So I guess that i should still be happy that I'm down 5.6lbs after 2wks. I'm reassessing and making some more changes. I think I'm going to start painting the hallway again. It's something that needs to get done and I think that the up/down on the ladder will help a little. Besides my mom and Frank are on vacation and although some people don't think they'll even notice, I think it would be nice to have them come home to refreshing color on the walls of the drab hallway ;)

OK - Now, I have to figure out which green I want to use!! hehe

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Keeping the Motivation Going...

I love the posts that my Martial Arts studio keeps posting! Seriously, Lance and Ann, you guys have been hitting some major triggers for me. Thanks! :)

This is the post for today...

The Seven Step Process for Setting and Achieving Your Goals
by Brian Tracy

First, decide exactly what you want in each area of your life. Be specific!

Second, write it down, clearly and in detail.

Third, set a specific deadline. If it is a large goal, break it down into sub-deadlines and write them down in order.

Fourth, make a list of everything you can think of that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal. As you think of new items, add them to your list.

Fifth, organize the items on your list into a plan by placing them in the proper sequence and priority.

Sixth, take action immediately on the most important thing you can do on your plan. This is very important!

Seventh, do something every day that moves you toward the attainment of one or more of your important goals. Maintain the momentum!
This, paired with my new "buddy", my ActiveLink, I am motivated to go downstairs and do another intervals training on the treadmill. I also think I'm going to have to get into the pool today with the kids and do somewhat of a workout. 
I have to make some permanent changes to lose some of this weight and start gaining back the confidence. Tomorrow and Thursday I get to do the conditioning for the athletes again. Seems pretty silly, doesn't it??
I mean, here I am struggling to get myself motivated to get in shape and yet, it's my JOB to get these kids working hard. I just want to wake up and see the results. I wish it was that easy :( It's frustrating to see that there is no movement on the scale. It's sad to see that my clothes still fit the same. 
I know it takes time. I just wish that I could speed it up just a little!!

Monday, July 30, 2012

I had a rocking body a couple of summers ago and i never took advantage of it and wearing a 2 piece. I've just decided that one of my long term goals will be to wear a 2piece. Maybe I should buy a cute one and start doing one of those incredibly shrinking photo-op things.

I think that hubby would totally like the taking of the pics, but until I'm down quite a bit, I think it might be a little embarrassing to post.

Then again, this is pretty much only for me. Not so many views, so not too many witnesses ;)

 This is one of the things that got me thinking...

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Maybe it DOES help...

I was shamed into a workout tonight by that stupid little thing I was talking about earlier today... the ActiveLink. I am happy to say that I earned 136% of my daily goal ;)

I did an interval workout. I alternated walking and jogging for about 25mins. So including my 3.3mph walking for 5mins prior and 6mins after, I completed 2.5miles. Yeah, it's slow. It's actually pretty pathetic, but you know what? It's a start!

This was supposed to help...

I've been using the new tool that Weight Watchers is offering to the New England area only. It's called the ActiveLink. It's a little Flash drive that can be worn on your bra strap, on a lanyard around your neck, on your belt or in your side pocket.

Now, the cool thing is that this little thing monitors your activity and then you plug it into your computer and it tells you how many activity points you've earned. It measures your movement in three directions (up-down, side to side, and front to back). It also has different settings... Challenge, maintenance, and I think one other thing, but I'm not looking it up... lol!

Anyway, after wearing it without ANY feedback for a full week, I was sooo excited to find out how activity I am. To say that I am less than excited now, is an understatement. Yesterday, I was only at 87% by the time I went to bed and I was fed up. I didn't know how to make it work on the bike. I mean, I did about 35mins and it increased my "activity" by a total of 3%. I was basically killing myself to get my 100% and it didn't even notice :(

I'm also a little upset at myself. I've been watching everything I eat, but I binged a little on chips on Friday night. I used all of my weekly points and at first I thought for sure the 3 extra lbs I noticed the next morning was because I had eaten salt and vinegar chips and I was just retaining water. BUT after drinking almost my weight in water yesterday, it's still there this morning.

If I don't lose anything this week, I will flip out!!! Yeah, I know it's not all about the weight, blah blah blah, but right now I am so upset about my weight and my body that things need to continue to at least progress. I'll take anything to show that one day won't derail my entire week's work! Hell, 1lb would be good.

Anyway, I wanted to post on facebook that I wanted people to meet me at the park, but it's supposed to rain. That means, that I might have to head downstairs and workout in the gym that Hubby and I worked really hard to declutter today. It's still really dreary though :(

I need to call Dr. Brian to get my back fixed but everyone deserves a vacation and apparently, him and his beautiful wife are away. Gonna call and make an appointment for when he gets back. Then I'm calling to make an appointment to get glasses AND I'm calling to make an appointment for my dog AND I'm calling to make an appointment to meet a new pediatrician. We're all getting healthy damn it!!

Who's with me???

Thursday, July 26, 2012


I had kenpo again tonight and the final thought was motivation.

What motivates you to continue?
What motivates you to work hard?

The instructor had a great saying... "There are not lazy people. They are unmotivated or sick."


I need to push my motivation.

I have been wearing the ActiveLink from Weight Watchers for a week now which means that it's finally recording my activity points. Yay, right? Hell no!! Now I'm bummed. It's telling me that I'm a slacker.

It states that I need to start being more consistent with my activity throughout the entire day. I have no problem getting motivated to go to class. There's accountability. Just like the weigh-ins. I need to start making myself accountable for working out. I need to stop plopping my butt on the couch and get moving.

There are soo many projects in the house that need to be completed AND the kids love to go and do stuff. That means that no more unmotivated mommy. I'm going to use this new tool to jumpstart my movement. In about 5 weeks I need to go back to school and start getting my students motivated to more physically active.

I need to be a role model!! I'm also the Committee Chair for my kids schools' Health Fair... and an assistant track coach, oh and a certified strength and conditioning coach AND Athletic Trainer. Hmmm.... seems I don't have any excuses left, right?

Ok, bed now... working out tomorrow :)