Wow... I suck at this :(

I was SOOOO happy to be back at Kenpo... Until tonight :(

I'm kind of a perfectionist. I make an effort to try to get things correct. I practice the forms and techniques and hopefully they look the way they're supposed to... sometimes not so much. BUT tonight was awful!!!

I've missed a LOT of time. They have "belt week" every 5 wks. This means that testing takes place every 5wks on the techniques and forms that you learned over those 5wks AND everything that you've ever learned prior to the testing period.

No biggy, right?

Well, I've missed 14 wks!! Essentially, 3 entire testing cycles. I've missed a LOT of stuff and it became all too apparent tonight. I really just wanted to walk back outside and go home. I hate feeling lost :(

AND I found that my foot doesn't hurt if I don't "snap" or twist it. Well, that rules out most kicks. I got it taped for while I coached last week and it felt great. Now, I just need to get a brace. Even if it's for a little while I'll be good.

I so frustrated right now and I'm hoping that I can get the hang of the skills. I keep telling my athletes that they can't be negative. I made them do pushups every time they said something negative at practice on saturday. I will have to start using that same attitude about myself.

I WILL get this done. I WILL figure out the forms. I WILL improve and get my stripe next testing cycle. I WILL be able to do the kicks and the jumps and the hops AND even be able to return to MMA soon.

I'm struggling, but I'm improving and I need to remind myself that that's ok...


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