Mixed Emotions

The pain hasn't changed much at all this entire week.

This basically means that after 3 weeks of being heavily medicated (for me), doing pretty much nothing other than walking, sleeping anywhere from 8-13hrs a night because I'm always exhausted and visiting the doctor 3 times in less than that many weeks, I haven't progressed at all!!!

I was scheduled for an MRI on Thursday and was terrified of the results. Part of me was afraid that it would show I was being a wimp and there was nothing wrong. The other part of me was afraid that it would show I needed surgery right away! I wasn't afraid of surgery. Just the unknown.

I got a call from the doctor stating that the MRI showed a bulge, but that it doesn't appear to be surgical. He was "hopeful" that it would improve and that I would have a comfortable weekend. I am supposed to call him if the symptoms continue and/or worsen.

Guess what... I get to call him TOMORROW!!! I've been waiting all weekend to call him.

I am in a LOT of pain at my ankle and still have the decreased sensation in my foot and lower leg. I'm even starting to have pain in my calf (probably because of the change in gait secondary pain and decreased sensation).

I am an athletic person. I am a Physical Education Teacher. I am a Track and Field Coach. I am an Athletic Trainer!! How the hell does this doctor think I can just let this continue like this?? Why would he want me to continue to take meds??? Isn't that a bad thing??

I'm trying to stay positive. I keep telling myself that this is temporary and that it will get resolved. I can't keep doing this. I can't wake up in pain every morning. I can't physically, mentally or emotionally maintain this level of activity. UGH!!!!


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