OK... More than a little support needed

I had to go back to the doctor's office AGAIN today...

The thing is, I knew what she was going to tell me.

I've been avoiding it.

I mean, seriously, when you have back pain and some serious numbness and decreased strength in the extremities, is there really any denying that there is disc and nerve involvement? Of course not. BUT, as you have seen, I've been trying to look at it on the positive side.

It'll get better!
It's not too bad... if I'm wearing the appropriate shoes :)
I feel great... when medicated!

But, then I started to skip taking the meds. I have this intense fear of taking too many meds. It's irrational really. I mean, if I didn't need them, I would quite frankly FORGET to take them! I forget vitamins, antibiotics, supplements... you name it. I just don't have the attention span or motivation to remember them. Yet, the idea of getting "hooked" on meds scares me.

After 2 days of taking them only "as needed" I haven't slept more than 2hrs at a time and I'm pretty exhausted. I finally went in to the talk to the doctor again. She's awesome btw... She understands my concerns. Has similar views and has actually been through this exact situation... only she let it go too far and ended up requiring emergency surgery.

Today, she wrote out a script for an MRI. She said that based on my symptoms insurance CAN'T deny it. AWESOME! That's how screwed up I am!! Anyway, so when I get the MRI, I get to follow-up with a neurosurgeon. She told me that because of the decreased sensation and motor function in my foot and lower leg, surgery will more than likely be the recommended course of action.

I know, I know... get a second opinion. I don't care!! I trust the doctor she is referring me to because he is the one who treated her. I have worked in athletics for a long time and to be honest, I'm all for the aggressive, fix it and move on approach. Am I scared? Hell yeah!!

I'm most frightened of missing time at work after only just beginning the school year. After only being a teacher at the school for a year. I'm frightened that I'm going to be a burden on my hubby, who already takes care of so much while I'm injured but still hobbling around.

I'm confident in the medical community. I'm confident in my ability to overcome this challenge. I'm confident in my faith. This is a setback that will in the end make me stronger. I refuse to let it derail my progress to continue to improve my health and I'm looking forward to returning to the activities that I have grown to love!!


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